Communication in the 21st century is not simple. Consumed by and inundated with email, Facebook messages, blogs, videos, texts, and tweets, we drown in a stormy sea of information overload. Wading through the trivial to get to the essential is complicated and, though surrounded by a plethora of voices, ideas and opinions, we can feel strangely isolated and disconnected. The amount of information available on communication techniques is legion. So… what do I have to offer on such an over-saturated topic? My experience. What I have learned. That is all.
My journey toward better communication skills began in the crucible of a middle school classroom. Desiring to awaken young minds of mush to the beauty and splendor of the English language, I soon realized that the ole’ adage “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink,” had merit.
My reactions to this inexplicable truth led me down a thorny path of communication errors that threatened to compromise my ability to teach. Raising my voice, stiffening my posture, and exhibiting “mean face” to correct the misbehavior of young urchins, whose sole purpose for existence depended upon making the new teacher miserable, did nothing to create the joyful classroom of my teacher dreams. In fact, the opposite occurred. Walls were erected and relationships compromised. Failure, however, can be an excellent teacher. So out of desperation, I began to consider new ways to communicate with my students.
Armed and ready to put my fresh ideas into practice, I consciously perused a mental checklist before approaching a child in dire need of correction. First, slow the breathing and relax the body. Next, “warm” the eyes and lower the vocal tone. Finally, speak and then listen…really listen. I found that the more I implemented this strategy, the more natural it became. Instead of simply reacting to raucous classroom activity with anger or frustration, caring and compassion was conveyed, causing even the most volatile of encounters to quickly settle into a peaceful exchange.
After 20 years of teaching, I recently transitioned into a new role as full-time Response Coordinator at R3 Continuum. Though most of my communication encounters involve a telephone line rather than face to face interaction, I still attempt to put into practice what I learned long ago. Answering a call for R3 can be like the proverbial Forrest Gump box of chocolates: “You never know what you’re gonna get.” I cannot control the attitude, manner, or disposition that speaks to me from the other end of that line, but I sure can control my responses. First, slow the breathing and relax the body. Next, “warm” the eyes and lower the vocal tone. Finally, speak and then listen…really listen. In so doing, communication becomes connection, and, to be honest, isn’t that the main point?
About the Author: Mary Jo Wesley has worked at R3 Continuum since 2001, but recently became a full-time employee after teaching middle school English for 20 years. She works remotely from Cheverly, MD, and enjoys a wild and raucous life with her three grandchildren: Olivia, Charlie, and Eloise. Her hobbies include reading, writing, playing the piano, and singing. She used to enjoy engaging in political discussions but has recently decided, for the good of her mental health, to shelve that endeavor for a while.
